"The Mentor"

Hey, all! It's been quiet here, so I hope there are still people around to read and answer.

INFJ gets described over and over as the mentor, the counselor, the nurturer. In my own life I've fallen into a mentoring/advisor role with some of my friends.

On the one hand, I enjoy feeling "of use" in a friendship and I like knowing that my presence/experience/input makes their lives better. But on the other hand, holy shit I don't want that kind of responsibility. I don't trust myself with it. It's gotten to a point where I've noticed that I'm not "falling into" the role so much as I'm setting myself up, even if unconsciously and unintentionally. (But maybe it takes two to tango in that sense? Argh I don't know.)

How do the rest of you hold back from, for a lack of better term, becoming people's free life coach/therapist? How do you establish boundaries and keep your own ego in check?

(no subject)

Hi everyone,

I'm new to this community and took the typology test at yesterday. Has anyone used this site? Is it a reliable indicator for finding your personality type?

Does anyone have any favorite INFJ-related links or quotes?
Jenny 11

The Introverts' Ball!

So, I was at a fundraising party and an introvert friend was wishing for just one nice, quiet song to dance to and the idea popped into my head: Let's throw an Introverts' Ball!

So, what would it look like?

Obviously, music should remain at a conversational level. I think tables of four is ideal (definitely no more than six!) and a smattering of tables for two would be good. That's as far as I got, so what do you all think?

We DO like to socialize, what would make it PERFECT for introverts?

Can't Go Home Again

Hi, INFJs. I know this community doesn't see much action anymore, much like livejournal itself, but a recent experience in a much bigger INFJ group on facebook made me miss this place. I don't really know if it was the sheer size of the group or the fact that so many other personality types were in there trolling half the time, but it doesn't feel as useful or helpful as this group.

If anyone is out there still, what are your experiences with being called negative and/or self-centered? (Immature, narcissistic, and butthurt were favorites too. I know, welcome to the internet.) I won't claim I haven't had any of these traits in my life (especially when I was much younger and in lower points of my life), but I'd be interested in hearing some of your perspectives on yourselves and possible weaknesses surrounding these traits. So much "debate" in the other group turned into name-calling and trying to hit people over the head with emotionally-charged "facts" that didn't really lead anywhere in the end, and it's exhausting. I couldn't even really express an opinion about a topic without someone saying my opinion was based on negative assumptions just because I didn't agree with the popular opinion. I'm tired of it, frankly. Maybe I'm part of the problem.

I guess most of what I'm getting at is it's weird to seek out a group of similar people hoping for understanding and the kind of community you used to have and get your hopes completely dashed. Hopefully you understand where I'm coming from. Feel free to chime in.
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Selections From "Harpo Speaks!"

One of my closest friends from college gave me a copy of Harpo Speaks! for a belated birthday present. I'm not very far in yet, but this quote from the first chapter I thought would be appropriate to share:

So what do I have to confess? I do have one weakness big enough to write a book about. My weakness is people. Since I have never taken the direct route from anywhere to anywhere, I've had time to meet and listen to a lot of people. Back in the twenties, when everybody was talking at the same time, I was one of the few professional listeners aroud.

I've been asked: "When you hung out with people like George S. Kaufman, Marc Connelly, Harold Ross, Sam Behrman, Ben Hecht, Heywood Broun, F.P.A., Dorothy Parker, Ethel Barrymore, Benchley, Swope and Woollcott, what in the world did you find to talk about?" The answer is simple. When I was around people like that, there was no use talking. I listened.

For some reason, they all accepted me. I think it was because I accepted them, not as Very Important Persons or geniuses, but as card players, pool sharks, croquet fanatics, parlor-game addicts, storytellers, or practical jokers—whatever they had the most fun doing when they weren't working.

I think it's very resonating, no?

Are there any biographies you've read or been reading that have some very INFJ/introvert moments?
lovely path

Mental Processing Speed (or lack of?)

Here's a scenario which occurred for me at 2am last night, which relays my insecurities about my "mental processing speed" (let me know if you relate)...

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Here are my theories about why this happened (with me): I think I shut down in terms of processing external information when I become intimidated by my ability (or lack of) to interpret the information, in addition to not trusting my own judgments & perceptions. I believe that if I learn to stop being intimidated by information, trust myself through my own perceptions & increased confidence to be able to interpret the information, that I will be able to do so with more ease.

This makes sense for me psychologically, because, I am an individual who was raised as a child with messages such as, "You're not worthwhile, unless you do X, Y, or Z. You're not good enough, so step it up. I love you, but only if you do this. Thinking for yourself is bad, and if you love your mother you will do what I say (I know what's best, you don't)." Therefore, training me to not have confidence in my own eyes, ears, and thoughts (aka my own perceptions). I am working on that. 

But, that aside, I'm wondering if it might be an "infj-thing", and one of the infj faults of being less observant of (even obvious) concrete external surroundings. We're always in our heads, breaking down abstracts ideas (or do I speak for myself?). 

Do you relate to this, because of a negative history, or because it is an infj-fault? What are your thoughts? 

Thank you for your input.



Holland Code

What does everyone think of the Holland code? I took this test this morning and I think it's a pretty decent one.
My results are a bit skewed because I deliberately downplayed my interest in things like child care, education, psychology, etc, because I get enough of that already in my avocations and I'm looking for a vocation that taps into other interests. If I answered it just generally, assuming I wasn't already getting plenty of that stuff, my results would look more like this.
river of dreams, journey

Do you make mental leaps?

Survey question: when faced with something that might require you to change your plans, what's the first thing your mind jumps to?

For clarity, this is the scenario my husband (INFP) and I (INFJ, natch!) discussed. You reach into your pocket where you think your keys are, and they aren't there. In my case, my mind immediately, without any conscious input, jumps to what if I don't have my keys, who I'd have to call, what I'd do in the meantime, and it goes through all these possibilities and settles on how to handle them in the instant it takes to check my other pocket to see that my keys are there. He says that his first thought is "Okay, I have to find my keys" and the other stuff does not flash through his mind.

I think there is some Ni/Ne thing in play here, but maybe it's just me? I'm struggling to understand what Ni actually *is*, because all of the descriptions sound like gobbletygook but I'm fairly certain I do use and prefer this function. I'm trying to identify the ways in which I use it because they aren't immediately obvious to me.