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The LJ INFJs
and their friends!
cactus_rs
infj_mbti
cactus_rs
"The Mentor"
Hey, all! It's been quiet here, so I hope there are still people around to read and answer.

INFJ gets described over and over as the mentor, the counselor, the nurturer. In my own life I've fallen into a mentoring/advisor role with some of my friends.

On the one hand, I enjoy feeling "of use" in a friendship and I like knowing that my presence/experience/input makes their lives better. But on the other hand, holy shit I don't want that kind of responsibility. I don't trust myself with it. It's gotten to a point where I've noticed that I'm not "falling into" the role so much as I'm setting myself up, even if unconsciously and unintentionally. (But maybe it takes two to tango in that sense? Argh I don't know.)

How do the rest of you hold back from, for a lack of better term, becoming people's free life coach/therapist? How do you establish boundaries and keep your own ego in check?
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Comments
tabular_rasa From: tabular_rasa Date: August 12th, 2015 10:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
I think one reason why I tend to have fewer truly close friends is because I do end up being therapist/life coach/whatever for people and have trouble setting boundaries >.< and I can only keep track of so large of a "caseload," lol.

With people I'm close enough to I feel secure enough to say so, I sometimes will tell them things like "I'm sorry, I want to be able to listen and support you with this but I'm too stressed about my own shit/don't have time for this involved of a conversation/haven't been able to keep up with your LJ posts, etc." But I feel like it's harder to say something like that to a less-close friend and not have it damage the relationship.
jenny_evergreen From: jenny_evergreen Date: August 13th, 2015 12:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
I, for better or worse, trust myself with the responsibility, I suppose, so that aspect I can't help with!

I do avoid particularly needy people/people who refuse to learn from their own mistakes. I haven't had a problem with those folks seeking me out for a long while now, though; it seems like once you become the sort of person who expects other people to take care of themselves for the most part, then people who don't just kind of don't come into your life.
So, there you go; I expect people to take care of themselves for the most part. If I find that someone is always in trouble/needs advice, after a few times of giving advice, I let other people do it (or just remain silent) instead. I guess I learned to limit how much/how often I advise people.
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